A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

一個家伙申請洛杉磯警察局的工作。
督察員說：“這是我見過的最棒的資格證書了，在你得到這份工作之前還要再進行一次測試，
拿著這把槍，出去射殺六個黑人和一只兔子。"
蓋伊回答：“為啥要打兔子？”
督察員說：“態(tài)度很好，你得到了這份工作！”

A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD
He got shot down

一個黑人在洛杉磯警察局申請工作
他被放倒了

what's the difference between a black man and a sponge?
One of them's already full of holes before the corps see them.

一個黑人和一塊海綿有什么區(qū)別？
其中一個在警察看到之前就已經(jīng)滿是洞洞了。

How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They shoot the room for being black

更換燈泡需要多少洛杉磯警察？
一個也不用，因為房間一黑就要挨槍子了

I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap
I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?

我被一個戴著“LAPD”帽子的女警攔住了
我說，你的同事身上帶著“ANCE”在哪里？
（LAPDANCE：膝上舞，在美國，膝上舞是指在意亂情迷的脫衣舞夜總會中，性感舞女和客人面對面，坐在客人大腿上，跳的一種舞蹈。）

LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.

洛杉磯警察局被派去訓(xùn)練伊拉克警察，尋找大規(guī)模殺傷性武器
在伊拉克幫助訓(xùn)練新招募的伊拉克警察的兩個月內(nèi)，洛杉磯警察局向陸軍司令部發(fā)送了以下信息：
完了，我們現(xiàn)在有大規(guī)模毀滅性武器，教一下我們應(yīng)該是在誰身上找到的它們。

I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house.
"Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."
Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook.

我在祖父家找到了一本舊紙牌游戲的規(guī)則手冊。
“抽一張牌，如果是黑色的，射它！”
哦等等，那不是洛杉磯警察局的指南么
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處


There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.
The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

昨晚洛杉磯警察局總部發(fā)生一起入室盜竊案。
小偷偷走了所有的馬桶。
當(dāng)被問及有關(guān)調(diào)查的情況時，洛杉磯警察局發(fā)言人表示，他們沒有東西可以做（坐）了。

Did you hear that the LAPD is training the Australian Police Force?
I thought Australia already had enough black widows

你聽說洛杉磯警察局正在訓(xùn)練澳大利亞警察嗎？
我想澳大利亞的黑寡婦已經(jīng)夠多了（黑寡婦蜘蛛）

Does the KKK still exist?
Yeah, they just changed their name to the LAPD...

3K黨還存在嗎？
是的，他們剛改名為洛杉磯警察局…

Why can't the show COPS film with the LAPD?
Because snuff isn't allowed on television.

為什么《警察秀》不能和洛杉磯警察局合作？
因為電視上不能播放抽鼻煙的鏡頭。

what if you kick me when I'm down.
You'd be a great LAPD officer.

如果我摔倒時你踢我怎么辦？
你會是一個很棒的洛杉磯警官。

How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a King.

洛杉磯警察局是怎么打撲克的？
四個梅花打一個K （雙關(guān)，四根棍子暴打一個老鐵（KING是在年輕人中流行的敬稱，主要源于黑人））

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.
The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
The FBI goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.
The LAPD team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.
Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"
"He confessed"

在埃及發(fā)現(xiàn)了一具木乃伊，為了確定木乃伊的年齡，世界上三支最好的法醫(yī)隊伍決定舉辦一場比賽。
中情局率先行動。他們對這具木乃伊進行了一年的研究，然后得出了一個結(jié)果：此人大約生活在公元前1000年左右，誤差±200年。
接下來是FBI。他們研究了這具木乃伊一個月，得出結(jié)論：這是一位法老，是公元前1000年的統(tǒng)治者，誤差上下100年左右。
接下來是洛杉磯警察局的團隊。他們搞了一個星期，然后得出了這樣的結(jié)論：法老拉門霍特二世出生于公元前1022年，在謀殺了他的叔叔后成為國王，統(tǒng)治了五年，在他統(tǒng)治的第三年，尼羅河洪水淹沒了盧克索，第四年遭赫梯人攻擊。
大家都很困惑：“你們是怎么發(fā)現(xiàn)這一切的？”
“他招了”

Q: What did the LAPD and Tropicana used to have in common?
A: They both had O.J. in a can.

問：洛杉磯警察局和純品康納果汁過去有什么共同點？
答： 他們都把橙汁裝在罐子里。（催淚彈）

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy

奧薩馬·本·拉登、約瑟夫·斯大林和希特勒正在搶劫一家銀行，條子會先開槍打死誰？
一個黑人

My humor is so dark
That the cops are even beating it

我講的笑話過于黑色幽默，以至于條子想要暴打它。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處


The power of Pepsi
So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"
Turns out it really is Pepsi.

百事可樂的力量
我的兩個朋友，一個黑人一個白人都參加了抗議活動，他們想知道哪種碳酸飲料能讓條子感到最平靜。我的白人朋友走到抗議的最前面，向警察們喊道：“有人想買百事可樂嗎？！”警察們平靜且高興，有些人甚至買了一兩罐。但后來我的黑人朋友走到前面喊道：“有人想買可口可樂嗎？！”…….
看來還是百事可樂能讓人冷靜啊

Why do LAPD cops have really clear skin?
They're great at popping black heads.

為啥洛杉磯條子的皮膚這么干凈??？
因為他們很擅長去黑頭。

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

節(jié)目《警察》已經(jīng)停止播放了
致敬警方關(guān)閉攝像頭的悠久傳統(tǒng)。

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?
So cops can see that he's white

為什么蝙蝠俠會讓他的下半臉可見？
這樣警察還能認出他是白人

What‘s the difference between a cop and a bullet？
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it has been fired.

一名警官和一枚子彈有什么區(qū)別呢?
當(dāng)一顆子彈殺死別人時，你知道它已經(jīng)被開（火）了。

Two priests are out driving one day..
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"

有一天，兩個牧師開車外出。。
當(dāng)他們被警察攔下時。
警察走近牧師的車，對司機說
“很抱歉把你攔下來，神父，但我們正在找?guī)讉€猥褻兒童的人”
兩個牧師互相看了一會兒，然后平靜地對對方說了幾句話。轉(zhuǎn)身對警察說：；
“好的警官，我們會這么做的”

My Cocaine Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning

我的可卡因太白了
以至于警方警告一下就放行了

What caused The Black Death?
The cops.

黑死病的病因是什么？
條子

I got arrested for killing a black man.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

我因殺害黑人而被捕。
但他們指控我冒充警官。

How many police officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
None. "He fell".

要多少警察才能把一個黑人推下樓梯？
一個也不用，（警察一到）黑人就從樓梯上掉下來了。

Why aren't color blind people allowed to join LAPD?
They wouldn't know who to shoot

為什么色盲不允許加入洛杉磯警察局？
他們不知道該向誰開槍

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber
He died last week
surrounded by his family

我家里的每個人都是警察，除了我的祖父，他是個銀行搶劫犯
他上周去世了，死的時候被家人包圍著