什么工作屁用沒有？

What job is useless?

2023-03-04 Kira_Yoshikage 7731 10 2 收藏糾錯(cuò)&舉報(bào)

譯文簡介

我現(xiàn)在這份。

正文翻譯

What job is useless?

什么工作屁用沒有？

評論翻譯

fallenapeach
My very first job. I'm a toxicologist and was hired by a very big private laboratory. My main job was to sort and redirect case files depending on the time at which the results came out.

我的第一份工作。我是一名毒理學(xué)家，曾經(jīng)被一個(gè)非常大規(guī)模的私有企業(yè)公司雇傭。我的主要職務(wù)就是根據(jù)檢測結(jié)果出來的時(shí)間，把案例文件做好分類。

THE DOCUMENTS WERE SENT TO ME IN EXCEL.

那些文件都是直接以excel表格的形式發(fā)送給我的。

I was getting paid to just click sort by date descendingly.

所以他們給我錢，就是為了讓我點(diǎn)一下“按照時(shí)間降序排列”。

caveinevitable
I had to do something similar to this when I was doing summer help at a steel factory. They paid me $14 an hour to sit there for eight hours and just move files to different folders and rename them. Sometimes I would pull weeds and paint walls, but that was about it.

我暑假在一個(gè)鋼廠幫工的時(shí)候也做過類似的事情。他們給我開14美元一小時(shí)的工資，讓我在那里坐8個(gè)小時(shí)，把文件移動到不同的文件夾里重命名一下。有時(shí)我可能也拔點(diǎn)雜草，漆一漆墻，但也就這樣了。

nowake
Worked at a steel factory too, in their lab, during their busy shift over night while power was cheaper. The furnaces would send samples to the lab for testing, and about 15 minutes later would get back chemical composition. The lab and the furnaces were separated by 5 floors and 1500 feet, and we communicated by pneumatic tube.

我曾經(jīng)也在鋼廠工作過，在他們的實(shí)驗(yàn)室里，而且是在晚上電力比較廉價(jià)的忙班時(shí)候。煉鋼爐會把樣品送到實(shí)驗(yàn)室來，大概15分鐘之后實(shí)驗(yàn)室把化學(xué)組分送回去。實(shí)驗(yàn)室和煉鋼爐之間距離五層樓，1500英尺，我們通過氣動管互相交流。

If the furnace was having problems, the lab had nothing to test. BUT, I had to be ready at any moment to receive a sample and run my tests.

如果爐子出問題了，實(shí)驗(yàn)室就沒什么東西需要測試。但是，我必須無論任何時(shí)候都準(zhǔn)備好接受樣本進(jìn)行測試。

I would say that out of 2080 hours in a year, I 'worked' about 80 of them. I really should have learned guitar, or another language or something... Instead, I played a lot of candy crush.

要我說，在那一年的2080的工時(shí)里，我一共“工作”了大概80個(gè)小時(shí)。我或許真的應(yīng)該學(xué)個(gè)吉他，或者另一門語言之類的……但是我玩了好久的消消樂。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處

turrenx
Working for a big company, one of the top 20 in the world, I am realising how bad people are with basic computer tasks… like really bad!

曾經(jīng)在一個(gè)大公司工作過，世界前20的那種，我才發(fā)現(xiàn)有多少人連最基本的計(jì)算機(jī)技術(shù)都不懂……特別特別基礎(chǔ)的都不懂！

xdq
I'm in IT and I once watched my manager open Internet Explorer to search Bing for Google, then search Google for Google maps... to then search for a location.

我在IT行業(yè)工作，我曾經(jīng)見過我的經(jīng)理有一次打開IE用必應(yīng)搜索谷歌，然后再用谷歌搜索谷歌地圖……然后再找一個(gè)地理位置。

SynysterM3L
My friend's late father would send 'texts' by grabbing a piece of paper, writing whatever he wanted to say, taking a picture of what he wrote, and sending that image through MMS. Why he never just typed it, no one knows.

我朋友過世的父親發(fā)“短信”的方式是拿一張紙，把他想寫的東西都寫上去，然后拍一張照片，用多媒體短信發(fā)出去。至于他為什么不直接打字，沒人知道。

LemonPepperGood
My mom used to ground me by taking my mouse away from my computer, thinking it would stop me from using it.

我媽媽曾經(jīng)喜歡把我的鼠標(biāo)從電腦上拔下來，以為這樣就能罰我玩不了電腦。

I got GOOD, and I mean really good, at navigating desktop using keyboard commands and shortcuts

結(jié)果我變得特別特別擅長用鍵盤和快捷鍵操作桌面。

20 years later and people think I'm a good on computer at work because of it lM

20年過去了，現(xiàn)在人們都因此覺得我特別擅長用電腦工作哈哈哈哈

Belozersk
I took a job scheduling residential HVAC technicians for a mid-sized company after a few years of working in the field. A few months in, the company ended its residential program to focus on commercial.

在領(lǐng)域內(nèi)干了幾年之后，我找了一家中等大小的公司，給家用領(lǐng)域的暖通空調(diào)技師排班。幾個(gè)月之后，公司把家用領(lǐng)域方向的業(yè)務(wù)結(jié)束了，專注于商用業(yè)務(wù)。

Thing is, they already had commercial schedulers. My boss told me she'd find me a new roll, but then she took another job elsewhere and left.

問題在于，他們已經(jīng)有商業(yè)領(lǐng)域的排班人員了。我老板跟我說，她要給我找份新的崗位，但之后她自己也在別的地方找了份工作走人了。

I stayed as a scheduler with no one to schedule in a department that no longer existed. No one in the office seemed to realize this, and for over half a decade, I would show up, make friendly conversation in the breakroom while making my coffee, and then literally just did nothing the rest of the day. Having left a stressful job, it was glorious.

我留在一個(gè)不存在的部門給人排班，卻根本沒有人可以排。辦公室里好像根本沒有人意識到這一點(diǎn)，于是在接下來的五六年里，我每天都按時(shí)上班，在茶水間里一邊煮咖啡一邊友好地跟別人交談，然后這一天啥也不干。離開了一份壓力巨大的工作，我非常開心。

Occasionally someone would ask me an hvac or system-related question over email, and that was it. I made sure everyone liked me by bringing in bagels every Monday and donuts every Friday.

偶爾有人會用電子郵件問我一些與暖通空調(diào)或者系統(tǒng)有關(guān)的問題。

Then covid happened and now I was doing nothing at home!

然后新冠就來了，現(xiàn)在我待在家里，什么都做不了！

When I learned the company was being sold, I figured I wouldn't tempt fate anymore and applied elsewhere. My department head gave a glowing recommendation, having no idea what I even did but knowing I was friendly and helped him jump his car a few times.

等到我知道公司被賣了之后，我覺得自己還是不應(yīng)該再試探命運(yùn)了，就找了個(gè)別的地方申請工作。我的部門領(lǐng)導(dǎo)給了我一份非常亮眼的推薦信，雖然他根本不知道我是干啥的，只知道我人挺好，并且?guī)退捱^幾次車。

TLDR: The department I was adminning was downsized, but they forgot about me and I essentially took a six year paid vacation.

太長不看：我所管理的部門被精簡了，但是他們把我給忘了，于是我就放了個(gè)六年的帶薪假期。

Recovery25
This reminds me of some Reddit post I read a while back where something similar happened to someone else. They basically broke their leg or something like that.

這讓我想起了好久一陣子之前我曾經(jīng)讀過的一個(gè)reddit帖子，類似的事情發(fā)生在了別人身上。他好像是摔斷了腿之類的。

The company had a little remote office, like basic one room or something, close to this guy's home. The company offered for the guy to work there until his leg was healed.

那個(gè)公司有一間小的遠(yuǎn)程辦公室，差不多就是一間房間之類的，離這家伙的家挺近的。公司就讓這家伙去小辦公室工作，等到他的腿好了再說。

Guy is working there when his whole department gets shuttered. Almost the whole department, including his department head and managers, all get laid off or transferred. The OP in the whole thing basically got forgotten about, and eventually, he stops getting work sent his way.

哥們在那邊工作的時(shí)候，他的整個(gè)部門都被關(guān)停了。部門里的幾乎所有人，包括他的部門領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和經(jīng)理，全都要么離職，要么調(diào)崗了。但是樓主在這件事里完全被人給忘了，于是到最后，就沒有工作送給他了。

It got to the point where the guy was setting up his console in this office and playing video games, or his girlfriend was showing up, and they would have sex.

到最后這家伙干脆把游戲機(jī)擺到了這個(gè)辦公室里打游戲，偶爾他女朋友也會過來，兩個(gè)人就在里面打炮。

I think he eventually realized it was best if he did something productive and used the time to take online classes so he could get another degree or whatever. The dude finally finished his degree and applied for a well paying job at another company.

我覺得他可能是到最后發(fā)現(xiàn)了，拿這份時(shí)間干點(diǎn)有意義的事情更好，于是他去上了網(wǎng)課，拿了別的學(xué)位什么的。這哥們最后拿到了學(xué)位，在另一個(gè)公司找了一份薪水很好的工作。

It was finally when he submitted his two weeks notice that someone higher up finally realized something was fishy. They were asking him what exactly he did for the company, and when they eventually started piecing together what kind of happened, they were threatening to sue him for scamming the company. The whole thing was crazy.

在提前兩個(gè)星期提交了預(yù)離職之后，上面有個(gè)人終于發(fā)現(xiàn)哪里不對勁了。他們開始問這哥們到底在公司干了什么，于是當(dāng)他們慢慢拼湊出事情的全貌之后，他們就威脅他要因?yàn)樵p騙公司而起訴。整件事都很瘋狂。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處

ClownfishSoup
Similar, but different story happened to my company. It's similar in that "someone forgot".

我也有個(gè)類似但不完全一樣的故事。也是那種“有人忘了”的故事。

We had an office somewhere, I think it was in Florida or something. Anyway, we have offices everywhere and the decision was made to lay everyone off at this office and close it.

我們在別的地方有個(gè)辦公室，我記得是佛羅里達(dá)還是哪兒?？偠灾?，我們到處都有辦公室，然后有人決定把那個(gè)辦公室關(guān)掉，辭掉當(dāng)?shù)氐膯T工。

So one day, everyone is told what happened and 2 weeks later people say their goodbyes and go home. Lights are left on, computers are running, printers are on. Just like you left for the day, but you don't come back.

于是有一天，大家都得知了發(fā)生什么事，過了兩個(gè)星期大家就互相告別之后離開了。燈還亮著，電腦還開著，打印機(jī)也開著。就好像你今天下班走人了，但是第二天再也沒回來。

A year later, an accountant realizes that even though the office was "closed", we were still paying rent and utilities on this building because EVERYONE in that office was laid off, including the facilities department and everyone there just assumed someone else was in charge of shutting down the office.

一年之后，一個(gè)會計(jì)才意識到，就算辦公室已經(jīng)“關(guān)了”，我們?nèi)匀辉诮o這棟房子交租金和水電費(fèi)，因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)辦公室的所有人都離職了，包括設(shè)備部門，而且每個(gè)人都以為有別人負(fù)責(zé)關(guān)停辦公室這件事。

NethrixTheSecond
My math teacher who tells me to log in to Pearson and then disappears

我的那個(gè)數(shù)學(xué)老師，教會了我怎么登陸Pearson（譯注：網(wǎng)課教育平臺）之后就消失了。

303Devilfish
I dropped a university class this term because the week 3 assignment said to "look up how to do this on Google, Stackexchange, or ChatGPT"

我這學(xué)期退了一門課，因?yàn)檫@門課第三周的作業(yè)說的是“去谷歌，StackExchange或者ChatGPT上搜一下怎么做”。

I'm not paying 1400 dollars to be taught by an ai chat bot lM

我花1400美元可不是為了讓一個(gè)人工智能聊天機(jī)器人給我上課的。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處

Carl_Clegg
An elevator attendant.

電梯服務(wù)員。

“First floor sir? I’ll press button number 1 for you.”

“一層嗎先生？我來為您按按鈕吧?！?/b>

(Does anywhere still have these guys or is it just an old movies thing?)

（還有地方雇這種人嗎？還是說只有老電影里才有了？）

Penguin_Dreams
I’m so old I remember when they had these in department stores. Whilst shopping with my grandma one day we got in an elevator and the attendant asked if we wanted the second floor. My grandma replies, “why yes, how did you know?” He says, “ma’am, there’s only two floors, and we’re currently on the first one.”

我看來是太老了，我還記得他們在商場里雇這些人的日子。有一天跟我奶奶逛商場的時(shí)候，我們走進(jìn)了一個(gè)電梯，服務(wù)員問我們是不是要上二樓。我奶奶說，“噢喲當(dāng)然是了，您怎么知道的？”他說，“女士，這棟樓一共就兩層樓，我們現(xiàn)在在一層。”

digitalmofo
The lady who walks around the office saying "Don't be on your phones, if you have time for that then you can study about the company!"

那個(gè)在辦公室里一邊走來走去一邊說，“別光顧著看手機(jī)，有時(shí)間看手機(jī)就研究研究公司！”的女士。

Same lady that is pushing hard to go back in the office, because remote work pointed out how useless that position is.

那位女士正在非常急迫地要求我們回到辦公室辦公，因?yàn)榫蛹肄k公證明了她的這份崗位有多沒用。

LucasBN2
Pet Psychic. Our Golden Retriever was getting joint therapy (shoulder injury, worked with a vet, dog did swimming three days a week in a heated pool where he could exercise without putting weight on the joint, also did some exercises, is now fine. The place also did laser therapy and acupuncture for dogs.) Someone said something about 'Hudson' which is our dog's name only they were talking to another dog. 'Oh,' they said, 'That's the dog psychic's dog.' Apparently you could find out what your dog was thinking.

寵物心理治療師。我們家的金毛在做關(guān)節(jié)護(hù)理（肩關(guān)節(jié)受傷，聯(lián)系了一個(gè)獸醫(yī)，狗子每星期去一個(gè)帶加熱的游泳池里游三天泳，這樣就能在關(guān)節(jié)不承受重量的前提下鍛煉，他也做了別的鍛煉，現(xiàn)在沒事了。這家醫(yī)院還給狗做激光診療和針灸。）我聽見有人說“哈德遜”，我們家狗就叫這個(gè)名字，但他們顯然在指另一條狗?！班蓿彼麄冋f，“那是寵物心理治療師的狗?！憋@然你能看出來你家狗在想什么。

I know what my dog is thinking. Most of the time he either wants what I'm eating or he wants me to throw the ball.

我當(dāng)然知道我家狗在想什么。絕大多數(shù)時(shí)候他要么想吃我吃的東西，要么想讓我扔球。

dmatred501
Used to know a lady in Nevada who was a pet medium. She would typically charge folks about $150-$200 per hour and would be the "medium" between the people and their deceased pets.

之前認(rèn)識住在內(nèi)華達(dá)的一個(gè)女士，是個(gè)寵物“溝通人”。她會收別人大概每小時(shí)150-200美元的錢，然后給主人和他們過世的寵物當(dāng)“靈媒”。

Now before you call her a terrible person for taking advantage of folks during a tragic loss in their life, I'll mention that I listened in on a couple of her phone calls and she was essentially being a grief counselor for these people. People would usually pour their heart out to her telling her that they felt like they didn't do enough to save their pet, and she'd reassure them that they did all that they could and that their pets knew that the owner loved them. She'd also encourage the owners to adopt new animals in their place because there's lots of animals out there who need the same love that the owner gave to the deceased animal. It really was a sweet thing.

先別急著罵她是個(gè)占別人便宜的爛人，我得說一句，我聽過她的幾次電話，她其實(shí)是在給這些人當(dāng)發(fā)泄悲痛的對象。人們經(jīng)常會把自己的感受說出來，覺得自己在救治寵物的過程中沒有竭盡全力，然后她就會向他們保證說他們已經(jīng)做到了自己能做的最好的事，他們的寵物也知道主人愛著他們。她還會鼓勵(lì)主人去領(lǐng)養(yǎng)新的寵物，因?yàn)橛泻芏鄤游镄枰獝郏拖裰魅嗽?jīng)給過去世的動物一樣的愛。其實(shí)真的挺感人的

17s82
Shop security - in most cases, they can’t legally do anything but just watch

商場保安——在絕大多數(shù)情況下，他們從法律上除了站在旁邊看著之外，什么都做不了。

courtknxx
Depends on the type of security they invest in. Security guards who stand at the door all day in a uniform - yes you're right, in most cases they're used as a deterrent.

取決于他們雇的是哪種保安。那些一整天都站在門口穿制服的保安，就是你說的那種。絕大多數(shù)情況下，他們都是只起到震懾作用的。

However, store detectives go undercover and try to blend in with other customers (in their own clothes, browsing stock and carrying a basket/trolley) so that they go unnoticed. Those people are allowed to tackle shoplifters and actually do something about it.

然而，也有一些商場保安是便衣，他們會混進(jìn)其他消費(fèi)者里（穿自己的衣服，在貨架上走來走去，拿著個(gè)籃子或者推著車），這樣就沒人看得見了。這些人是有權(quán)利阻止偷東西的人，真正干點(diǎn)事情的。

Modest_Lion
I read somewhere that Walmart don’t stop shoplifters. They record the shoplifter and document how much they stole. If the dollar amount is above a certain threshold (from that swipe, plus the other swipes before it), they will send police to your address (most likely obtained by previously used credit cards and license plates) on another day

我在有個(gè)地方看見說沃爾瑪是不會阻止那些偷東西的人的。他們會把偷的東西給記錄下來，如果偷走的錢超過了一定的額度（這次偷的，和之前幾次偷的加起來），他們就會改天把警察派到你家門口去（地址很有可能是通過之前用過的信用卡和車牌照得知的）

punkwalrus
While it's a billion dollar industry, health insurance. Literally the exist to prevent you from cashing out on what you paid into. They have little to no medical knowledge, make everything more expensive, and exist solely as a useless middleman to make themselves rich.

盡管是個(gè)數(shù)十億美元的產(chǎn)業(yè)，但我還是要說人壽保險(xiǎn)行業(yè)。這個(gè)行業(yè)的存在就是為了不讓你把你存進(jìn)去的錢給取出來。他們幾乎沒有任何醫(yī)療知識，只會讓一切都變得更貴，他們存在就是為了當(dāng)一群屁用沒有的中間人，只想把自己的腰包弄肥。

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什么工作屁用沒有？

什么工作屁用沒有？