哪些“這種事情不可能發(fā)生在我身上”的事情發(fā)生在了你身上？
What “that can’t happen to me” thing happened to you?
譯文簡介
世事無常。
正文翻譯
What “that can’t happen to me” thing happened to you?
哪些“這種事情不可能發(fā)生在我身上”的事情發(fā)生在了你身上？
評論翻譯
很贊 ( 2 )
收藏
A car crashed through my kitchen last year.
去年有一輛車撞進了我家廚房。
I woke up to a truck parking in my bathtub 2w before Christmas a few years ago. I watched my sink roll past my bedroom door followed by a hubcap. Driver managed to cross a median, 3lane road, up an embankment, through an iron fence and between trees. He'd been involved in an altercation nearby and was fleeing the scene.
幾年前圣誕節(jié)之前的兩個星期，我醒來之后發(fā)現(xiàn)一輛卡車停在我的浴缸旁邊。我看著我的洗手池滾進臥室的房門，后面跟著滾進來一個轂蓋。司機開過了三車道的中線，開上了路堤，撞倒了鐵柵欄和好幾棵樹。結(jié)果他是卷入了附近的一場爭執(zhí)，本來想逃離現(xiàn)場。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Just speeding from one crime to another
從一個犯罪現(xiàn)場趕往另一個犯罪現(xiàn)場
My kitchen is not a drive-thru!
我的廚房又不是得來速！
My niece accidentally did that to the neighbors when she was learning to drive
我的外甥女在學開車的時候，曾經(jīng)不小心撞進過鄰居的廚房。
This happened to me too!!! Hit and run bc it happened while we were at work. Bizarre to come home to your dining room caved in.
我也碰見過這種事情！我們還在上班的時候，有人撞了我們家廚房然后跑了。回家之后發(fā)現(xiàn)餐廳多了個洞，還是挺離譜的。
That's so random. Did someone's brakes fail? Hope no one was hurt.
這實在是太離譜了。是某人的剎車壞了嗎？希望沒人受傷。
Dude hit another car on the main road, drove down my street at 80mph and hydroplaned off the road. The police found a large amount of drugs and cash in the car. We weren't hurt but it was terrifying. It was a literal explosion in our kitchen.
那哥們是在主干道上撞了別人的車，以80英里每小時的時速開到了我家門口的街上，像水上飛機一樣從路上漂出去了。警察在車里發(fā)現(xiàn)了大量的毒品和現(xiàn)金。我們自己沒受傷，但這太嚇人了。我家廚房基本就像發(fā)生了一場爆炸一樣。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Weirdly enough, a mobile kitchen crashed into my car this year.
離譜的是，今年有輛移動餐車撞上了我的車。
Reminds me of a funny story. I was really young, probably 3 years old. Was looking out the window while mom and dad were in the room doing something with my younger brother and i just tell them “a car just crashed a house.” They said no it didnt, then came and looked and went “oh my god, a car just crashed into that house!” Went through the room by their front door
這讓我想起了一個好笑的事情。我那時候特別小，大概也就三歲。我從窗戶往外看，爸爸媽媽在陪我弟弟玩，我跟他們說，“有輛車撞進房子了?！彼麄冋f沒有不可能，然后跑到窗戶旁邊，“我的媽呀，有輛車撞進房子了！”從正門直接撞了進去。
A snake fell out of a tree and bit me on the head
一條蛇從樹上掉了下來，咬了我腦袋一口。
Please tell me where this happened so I know if I need to leave the continent or the planet.
請告訴我這件事發(fā)生在哪里，我需要考慮一下要不要離開那片大陸或者這個星球。
To no one’s surprise, Florida
誰也不會感到吃驚的答案：佛羅里達。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
I mean, Australia was a distinct possibility
有一說一，澳大利亞的可能性不小。
I was an innocent bystander shot in the chest during a drive by.
開車路過案發(fā)現(xiàn)場的時候被一槍打到胸口了。
OK aside from the jokes, how bad was it? Like I assume it hurt, but was it more of a burning?
好吧，不開玩笑，傷勢嚴重嗎？我知道很痛，但是像燃燒一樣痛嗎？
Yes, it was a very bad burning sensation. It spun me around, then to my knees. I had trouble getting a breath, happy portions of my life passed before my eyes just before I passed out and fell face first onto the sidewalk. I woke up in the surgical recovery room, nauseous and extremely tired. I’m OK now.
沒錯，當時感覺就是像燒灼一樣，疼得很厲害。我被轉(zhuǎn)了一圈，然后跪下了。我沒辦法呼吸，人生中那些幸福的片段在我的眼前閃過，然后我就暈了過去，臉朝下趴在了人行道上。醒來之后我就在手術(shù)恢復室了，又惡心又累得不行?，F(xiàn)在我沒事了。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
My brother-in-law had a psychotic break after going off his medication (which he hid from us), and killed my sleeping father, then himself. Perfectly normal the night before, we were laughing and talking and he asked if I would make a certain meal for dinner the next day. Eight hours later, our family was shattered.
我的小舅子在斷了藥（他沒跟我們說）之后精神崩潰了，殺了我已經(jīng)入睡的父親，然后自殺了。前一天晚上還完全正常，我們一邊笑一邊聊天，他還問我明天晚上能不能做一種菜。八個小時之后，我們的家就碎了。
I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉。
他嫁給你姐姐了嗎？她現(xiàn)在怎么樣？
Yes. She's doing better, but I don't know if she, or any of us, will really ever truly 'get over' it.
沒錯。她現(xiàn)在好一些了。但我不知道她，或者我們家任何一個人，能真的“翻過篇”。
my dad committed murder suicide.
我父親殺人之后自殺了。
my great grandfather did this. 3 of his children, his brother, then himself.
我的曾祖父也這么做過。殺了他的孩子，他自己的哥哥，然后自殺了。
Everyone else’s stories are very sad so here’s something a bit lighter. I’ve mentioned this story before but I got bitten on the neck by a penguin.
大伙的故事都挺讓人難過的，我還是講點讓人開心的吧。我之前其實講過這個故事，我被一只企鵝咬過脖子。
當?shù)貏游飯@辦了個活動，有一只企鵝和一只貓頭鷹站在帶把手的桌子上，你可以挨著它們拍照。企鵝想要喝我的杯子里的酒，我把酒挪走了。于是企鵝就狠狠咬了我的脖子一口，把脖子咬瘀血了。之后他們就把企鵝帶走了。
I was sailing off the coast of New Jersey with my dad. During the day the hatch above my stateroom popped open on its own in bumpy seas and the stateroom got flooded with water so I had to spend the night sleeping outside in the cockpit.
我和我爸爸在新澤西的海岸線上開船。白天客艙上面的艙門自己開了，當時海浪很大，客艙進了水，于是我就得在客艙外面睡覺。
那天晚上有很大的霧，有一只小黑鸝迷了路，找不到能落腳的地方，最終發(fā)現(xiàn)了我們的小船，它一定很高興終于能找到一個干燥的地方能休息了。
于是在我睡覺的時候，那只鳥落在了我的頭上。
醒來之后我感覺有什么東西沿著我的耳朵躺下來，我伸手去撓，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)是滿手的鳥屎，嚇得我大喊了一聲。我爸爸的朋友當時在掌舵，他看見了事情發(fā)生的全過程，那是他這輩子見過的最搞笑的事情。
My dad killed himself when I was 13. Left my mum widowed at 41 with two kids. He was meant to drive up to meet us at his sister's holiday house and instead he went and offed himself. He had just gone on a new depression medication that, these days, when you start it you're not meant to be left alone for the initial two weeks because it can get much worse before it gets better, so that's pretty dumb.
我父親在我13歲那年自殺了。留下了我41歲守寡的媽媽和她的兩個孩子。他本來是開車要在我姑姑的度假住宅這里來見我們的，但他卻結(jié)束了自己的性命。當時他剛開始吃一種抗抑郁的藥物。那時候的這種藥物，如果你開始吃的話，那么最開始的兩星期你是不能一個人呆著的，因為一開始的癥狀反而會比之后更加嚴重，所以還挺蠢的。
My wife cheated on me with my best friend. They’re moving in together next month. I’m in a new city thousands of miles away. I found out a month ago.
我老婆出軌了，和我最好的朋友跑了。他們下個月就要搬到一起去住了。我現(xiàn)在住在幾千英里之外的新城市里。我是一個月之前發(fā)現(xiàn)的。
My wife cheated on me with my best friend.
引用：“我老婆出軌了，和我最好的朋友跑了?！?/b>
我也經(jīng)歷過。我有一個像兄長一樣對我的朋友，上了我的未婚妻。那已經(jīng)是十五年前了。我再也不留意他們的生活了，他們最后也沒在一起，但是他們兩個人之后的生活都變得非常難過，我的那位前好友尤其如此。那哥們的人生失敗得一塌糊涂，就算在一個痛恨他的人眼里也讓人脊背發(fā)涼。
其實到頭來這算是件好事，畢竟盡管這是很痛苦的事情，但能夠發(fā)現(xiàn)你生活里的毒蛇，然后把它趕出去讓你去做更好的事情，其實是很不錯的。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
此后我也有過浪漫的關(guān)系，但我得說實話，我此后再也沒有過親密的男性朋友，之前那個上了我的未婚妻的人已經(jīng)是我這些年來第三個試過這種事情的“好朋友”了。他媽的這幫人都是怎么回事。
我對朋友們的忠誠已經(jīng)變成了我的缺點。我甚至拒絕過那些和我的朋友們談戀愛的時候和我約炮的女人，因為在我看來原則就是原則，但不知道怎么回事，現(xiàn)在感覺我好像才是那個瘋子了。
Our house burned in a wildfire, we lost absolutely everything we owned and only salvaged a single coffe3 cup.
我們家的房子被森林大火燒了，我們失去了自己擁有的一切，只撿出來一個咖啡杯。
好消息是：我高中的時候瘋狂迷戀上了一個男孩，我們一起去了夏令營，當時我就很喜歡他。20多歲的時候我們重新聯(lián)系了一下，最后在一起了，現(xiàn)在我們已經(jīng)一起生活了二十多年，結(jié)婚將近十七年。我們還是和最開始一樣互相愛慕。
My husband of 27 years hooked up with a married woman from our small town before informing either of their spouses that our marriages were over. This was a man who was very big on emotional intelligence, being honest, and scathing about other folks cheating.
我結(jié)婚27年的丈夫和我們小鎮(zhèn)上的另一個有夫之婦勾搭上了，雙方都沒有通知他們的配偶這段婚姻已經(jīng)結(jié)束了。我丈夫還是一個情商非常高，非常誠實，并且非?？床黄鹌渌伺鹊娜恕?/b>
homelessness. it came swiftly and out of nowhere. had no savings and landlord sold the house i was in. couldn’t afford a new place so lived in my car with my dog for a few months. ended up finding community assistance and got into an apartment.
無家可歸。這種事情忽然間就發(fā)生了，沒有任何跡象。我沒有存款，然后我的房東把我住的房子給賣了。我住不起新房子，所以只能在車里和我的狗一起住。最后通過社區(qū)支持，找到了一間公寓。
Gave authorization to have my mom's life support removed. Still very fucked up from it since. We were very close.
我在媽媽同意拔管的確認書上簽了字。到今天為止仍然非常難過。我們之間關(guān)系特別好。
這件事會一直纏著你的。
Waiting for my daughter to wake up so I could tell her that her dad died the night before.
等我女兒起床，告訴她她的父親前一天晚上去世了。
After seeing people intubated (on a ventilator) as a nurse, I thought I would never want to live through something like that. Not only did I end up on a vent, but I was on it wide awake with no sedation b/c I went into hypovolemic shock (they had to discontinue my sedative b/c my blood pressure dropped too low). Here I am today…I survived, I’m healthy, & I’m thankful for ventilators.
當護士的時候，看見有人氣管插管（插著呼吸機），我覺得自己永遠也不想經(jīng)歷這種事情。結(jié)果我不僅真的經(jīng)歷了，而且給我插管的時候還沒用鎮(zhèn)靜劑，因為我陷入了低血容量性休克（他們不得不停止我的鎮(zhèn)靜劑給藥，因為我的血壓太低了）。但我還是活下來了，我很健康，并且感謝呼吸機。（譯注：hypo meaning low……）
The neighbors house on one side of my childhood home burned down from a lightening strike. Within a few years the neighbors on the other side also got struck by lightening and burned down.
我小時候鄰居家被雷劈起火了。沒過幾年，另一邊的鄰居家也被雷劈起火了。
嚇得不輕。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
讀大學的時候，我本來打算坐飛機回家休息。我研究了一下最便宜的航班，把信息寫了下來。然后我媽媽做了個夢，她決定搬到我這邊。于是我沒有訂那個航班。那個航班失事了。
I was lying on the beach and a seagull flying very high took a shit and it went straight in my mouth
我在沙灘上躺著，一只飛得特別高的海鷗拉了泡屎，正好落進了我嘴里。
Was walking out of my apartment in a formal dress to go to a grad school gala and a pigeon shat on my dress. Good times.
穿著正裝從公寓走出來參加研究生畢業(yè)舞會，鴿子在我的裙子上拉了一泡。太樂了。
I was at a campsite that got struck by lightning. It traveled through a large tree and killed the father of a family sleeping in a hammock at the site next to us. They didn’t realize until they woke up because nobody else was harmed.
我露營的地方被雷劈了。閃電穿過了一棵大樹，劈死了在我們帳篷旁邊的一張吊床上睡覺的父親。他們一家人醒來之后才發(fā)現(xiàn)這件事，因為其他人全都毫發(fā)無傷。
Came here to talk about school shootings, but unfortunately it’s a painfully common thing that people have experiences with.
想聊一聊校園槍擊案，對于那些經(jīng)歷過這種事情的人來說，這種事普遍得有些令人痛苦。
我十三歲那年（今年30歲了），16歲的表姐在一場槍擊案中被挾持并殺害了。她去的是一個特別小，特別偏僻的學校。我?guī)字苤皠傄娺^她，我在她的陪伴下第一次去買胸罩。她是我這輩子除了姐姐之外最親近的人，并且她還幫我度過了剛上高中時的階段。
這徹底改變了我的人生軌跡。后來我讀了神經(jīng)科學與心理健康方面的碩士，畢業(yè)論文是積極心理學對于經(jīng)歷嚴重心理創(chuàng)傷的青少年的PTSD與抑郁情緒的影響。不幸的是，在研究過程中，我發(fā)現(xiàn)美國槍支協(xié)會禁止了美國境內(nèi)對校園槍擊案的研究。這個數(shù)據(jù)并非唾手可得，并且你沒法很輕易地得到。這太邪惡了。