中國(guó)女人約會(huì)不掏錢(qián)包是真的嗎？這是傳統(tǒng)還是個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)？

inertm
People in China don't use wallets anymore.

中國(guó)人不再使用錢(qián)包了。

lifebittershort to inertm
The newborns might not know what the wallets are... To be honest, I had never used a wallet until I came to USA.

新生兒可能不知道錢(qián)包是什么……說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà)，我來(lái)美國(guó)之前從來(lái)沒(méi)有用過(guò)錢(qián)包。

Boring-Test5522 to inertm
When did you come ? USA nowadays are cashless. My Taxi driver dont even have enough money to cover my changes (less than 10 dollar). Whenever I give a cashier a benji, they look me up and down to make sure that I am not sort of drug dealer or something.

你什么時(shí)候來(lái)的？現(xiàn)在的美國(guó)已經(jīng)是無(wú)現(xiàn)金了。我的出租車(chē)司機(jī)甚至沒(méi)有足夠的錢(qián)來(lái)支付我的零錢(qián)（不到 10 美元）。每當(dāng)我給收銀員一張便士時(shí)，他們都會(huì)上下打量我，以確保我不是毒販之類(lèi)的。

tacojohn44 to inertm
Literally my first thought too

照字面意思，我的第一個(gè)想法也是

Open-Hunt-910
I guess you will be more stunned when you find out the man need to pay 100-300k as bride price when getting married in Chinese culture

當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)在中國(guó)文化中結(jié)婚時(shí)男方需要支付10-30萬(wàn)彩禮時(shí)，我想你會(huì)更驚訝

StuffSea264 to Open-Hunt-910
No fucking way hahahahahaha. I guess I’ll post on Reddit again in a few years

開(kāi)什么玩笑，哈哈哈哈，我想幾年后我會(huì)再次在 Reddit 上發(fā)帖

the314159man to StuffSea264
Yeah, nah. I didn't do that. My line was that there are two cultures and respect needs to go both ways. There has been some discussion about money. Her parents haven't given me anything and while I'll pay for a dinner or similar they've been told a flat no about money a few times.

嗯，不。我沒(méi)有那樣做。我的觀點(diǎn)是，兩種文化需要相互尊重。關(guān)于錢(qián)的問(wèn)題也有過(guò)討論。她的父母沒(méi)有給我任何東西，雖然我會(huì)支付晚餐或類(lèi)似的費(fèi)用，但他們幾次提出要錢(qián)時(shí)，我都明確拒絕了。

MaixnerCharly to the314159man
Same here. My Chinese in-laws never asked and and when I brought up the topic of a bride price, they instantly refused, saying it's not part of my culture. Period. They also payed for the (small) wedding and chipped in a big chunk when we bought an apartment a few years later, even though we never asked for anything. Guess you have to find not just the right woman but also the one with the right parents.

我也一樣。我的中國(guó)岳父母從來(lái)沒(méi)有問(wèn)過(guò)，當(dāng)我提起彩禮的話(huà)題時(shí)，他們立即拒絕了，說(shuō)那不屬于我們的文化。不必再提。他們還支付了（小型）婚禮的費(fèi)用，并在幾年后我們買(mǎi)公寓時(shí)捐了一大筆錢(qián)，盡管我們從未要求過(guò)任何東西。我想你不僅要找到合適的女人，還要找到合適的父母。

Vamyan91 to the314159man
The topic was never even raised with me and my now-wife. Her parents are often trying to give us money, especially now we have a child. But bride price and the like wasn't even raised. We paid for the wedding ourselves, wasn't expensive (cheaper than a British wedding by a fair few thousand). Money's just never been a topic discussed for us in that regard.

這個(gè)話(huà)題甚至從未向我和我現(xiàn)在的妻子提起過(guò)。她的父母經(jīng)常想辦法給我們錢(qián)，尤其是現(xiàn)在我們有了孩子。但是彩禮之類(lèi)的從未提起過(guò)。我們自己付了婚禮費(fèi)用，并不貴（比英國(guó)婚禮便宜幾千英鎊）。在這方面，金錢(qián)從來(lái)都不是我們討論的話(huà)題。

DenDanny to Open-Hunt-910
Do you get a refund if you end up divorcing a few years later? LM

如果幾年后離婚，你能得到退款嗎？笑死我了
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

veganelektra1
Cheap Frugal Chinese Women don't pay on dates. But Independent Educated Employed Chinese women will offer to pay.

小氣節(jié)儉的中國(guó)女性約會(huì)時(shí)不付錢(qián)。但受過(guò)獨(dú)立教育的中國(guó)就業(yè)女性愿意支付費(fèi)用。

Comfortable-Iron7143
I guess it depends on the person. Sometimes it's not her, but her parents. In my case, it was much lower. Only a token amount. Parents see it as having face if their daughter can command high dowry. I got a friend whose MIL asked for 1M RMB. He declined. His gf/wife also thought it was excessive. They are now both paying (without her parents' knowledge). I dunno what your situation is with this girl but it could be "normal" or it could be red flags. Only time will tell.

我想這取決于個(gè)人。有時(shí)不是她，而是她的父母。就我而言，它要低得多。只有象征性的金額。父母覺(jué)得如果女兒能拿到高額彩禮，那就有面子了。我有一個(gè)朋友，他的岳母要100萬(wàn)人民幣。他拒絕了。他的女朋友/妻子也認(rèn)為這太過(guò)分了。他們現(xiàn)在都在付錢(qián)（在她父母不知情的情況下）。我不知道你和這個(gè)女孩的情況如何，但這可能是“正?！钡?，也可能是危險(xiǎn)信號(hào)。只有時(shí)間才能證明一切。

marmakoide
It's the price for those who accept this bullshit. I didn't pay to be my wife's husband.

這是那些接受這種狗屁話(huà)的人的代價(jià)。我可沒(méi)付錢(qián)成為我妻子的丈夫。

kimyoungkook92
Yes, expectation that men will pay for everything is highly Ingrained in China.

Gender norms and expectation that men should always take lead and pay for women still predominant there. The dating culture is very imbalanced and competitive ; men are under pressure to impress. When other men out there are paying everything for dates and spending well on gifts, it's pressuring everyone else to do the same thing to keep up. It's not so good on the "face" 面子 part if the guy do not pay enough or act as generously as others.

Many mainland Chinese men I know hate the social expectation to pay for everything. Some have reasonable partners who are more than willing to split expenses. But the guys feel obligated to pay everything because everyone else are doing so .

是的，男人需要為一切買(mǎi)單的期望在中國(guó)根深蒂固。
性別規(guī)范和男性應(yīng)始終帶頭并為女性買(mǎi)單的期望仍然占主導(dǎo)地位。約會(huì)文化非常不平衡和競(jìng)爭(zhēng)；男人面臨著給人留下深刻印象的壓力。當(dāng)其他男人為約會(huì)不惜一切代價(jià)并在禮物上花費(fèi)巨資時(shí)，其他人就會(huì)被迫做同樣的事情來(lái)跟上。如果這個(gè)人付錢(qián)不夠，或者表現(xiàn)得不像其他人那么慷慨，那么“面子”部分就不太好。
我認(rèn)識(shí)的許多中國(guó)大陸男性討厭這種要為一切買(mǎi)單的社會(huì)期望。有些人有理智的伴侶，他們非常愿意分?jǐn)傎M(fèi)用。但這些男人覺(jué)得有義務(wù)支付一切，因?yàn)槠渌硕荚谶@樣做。

Kind-Jackfruit-6315 to kimyoungkook92
Mainland dudes have to carry their girl's handbag. Might as well fish for her wallet and use that to pay :-)

大陸的男生得幫女朋友提包。還不如順便找她的錢(qián)包，拿著它去付錢(qián) :-)

zannet_t
Partly yes. As you can imagine, discussions around any particular culture require a bit of oversimplification, but the root cause of what many people perceive to be a problem with dating in China is the power imbalance. Because there's far less women than men there (one unintended but certainly foreseeable consequence of the one child policy), women do hold more leverage, which translates into a sense of entitlement. This in turn begets and breeds a sense of resentment on men's part, which I think you can sense from some of the responses you've gotten.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is whether you think she actually is into you. Assuming your answer is yes, then your next step is to figure out how much patience you have for this unevenness. I am not saying she's right. She's clearly being unfair. But things you're brought up and used to thinking are hard to shed, and it takes her being willing to reflect and you being willing to wait for some changes or adjustments on her end. To me what would be the most important is whether she's willing to be an equal partner on balance. If all she wants is for you to give, give, and give, then the relationship will not be sustainable. But if you can get to let's say 70-30, would that aspect of this relationship be acceptable to you? Are there other things she's more willing to give? You and you alone must uate the whole of this relationship and draw your red line, irrespective of the source of the conflict.
For what it's worth, regardless of whether you're right to think she should pay for some things, I find it a bit crass and immature for you to just say "your turn." Either have the conversation without doing so, or stop spending time with her if you think it's a dealbreaker.

一定程度上是的。正如你可以想象的那樣，圍繞任何特定文化的討論都需要做一些過(guò)度簡(jiǎn)化，但許多人認(rèn)為中國(guó)約會(huì)問(wèn)題的根本原因是權(quán)力不平衡。因?yàn)槟抢锏呐匀藬?shù)遠(yuǎn)少于男性（這是獨(dú)生子女政策的一個(gè)非故意但顯然可以預(yù)見(jiàn)的后果），女性確實(shí)擁有更多的影響力，這轉(zhuǎn)化為一種權(quán)利感。這反過(guò)來(lái)又會(huì)引起男性的怨恨感，我想你可以從你得到的一些回應(yīng)中感受到這一點(diǎn)。
我認(rèn)為你需要問(wèn)自己的問(wèn)題是你是否認(rèn)為她真的喜歡你。假設(shè)您的答案是肯定的，那么您的下一步就是弄清楚您對(duì)這種不平衡性有多少耐心。我并不是說(shuō)她是對(duì)的。她顯然不公平。但你習(xí)慣的思維方式很難改變，需要她愿意反思，也需要你愿意等待她做出一些改變或調(diào)整。對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，最重要的是她是否愿意成為一個(gè)平等的伴侶。如果她想要的只是你的付出、付出、再付出，那么你們的關(guān)系就無(wú)法持續(xù)。但如果你們能達(dá)到 70-30，你們能接受這段關(guān)系的這一方面嗎？她還有其他更愿意付出的東西嗎？無(wú)論沖突的根源是什么，你只能自己必須評(píng)估整個(gè)關(guān)系并劃清紅線。
不管怎么樣，無(wú)論你認(rèn)為她應(yīng)該為某些東西付錢(qián)的想法是否正確，我都覺(jué)得你只是說(shuō)“輪到你了”有點(diǎn)粗魯和不成熟。要么直接對(duì)話(huà)，要么不這樣做，或者如果你認(rèn)為這是個(gè)阻礙因素，就停止與她共度時(shí)光。

GregoleX2
How old are you?
I honestly find posts like this surprising and weird, but i'm 42 (Canadian). I 100% am just old enough to remember when every culture on earth was more or less like this. Yes, men everywhere in the world were expected to pay for dates. And i'm old enough to laugh that society has changed and this isn't universally the case (which is a good thing).
I had to re-read your post, and I realise that you aren't IN china, just dating a Chinese girl. Originally, I said: "Still, it's a bit naive / ignorant for you to need to ask this question. This is the sort of post I'd expect to see asking about dating a girl here in Canada, not China where the answer should be obvious." But since you aren't in China, I guess you just haven't researched life here and are dating this girl for her appearance (which I don't blame you, trust me)
40 years ago, men in america or canada or europe would be expected to pay for dates. Except in the very most liberal circles. Well, that's still true in china, which is a far, far more conservative culture. If you are ever wondering something like this, just ask how it would have been in the west 40 years ago and you'll usually have your answer. So yes, she is 100% correct that this is how it is. Again, to me it's incredibly obvious that any girl coming from a conservative culture is going to have this outlook. Expect this from any girl anywhere in the world except a very liberal, modern girl from the west or POSSIBLY japan.
That said, she's not in CHina anymore. She should learn about your culture too right? Well, from an old man like me i can say again that this is how I grew up - men paid for dates. So really, your outlook is very modern indeed. I AGREE with you, but you have to expect this attitude from most women around the world. If you want to date someone, and they aren't from WESTERN europe (France, germany, norway, Britain), or the english world, chances are this will be the expectation.

你多大了？
老實(shí)說(shuō)，我覺(jué)得這樣的帖子令人驚訝和奇怪，但我42歲（加拿大人）。我百分百年紀(jì)夠大，還記得地球上的每一種文化或多或少都是這樣的。是的，世界各地的男人被期望為約會(huì)付費(fèi)。我已經(jīng)足夠大了，可以笑著說(shuō)社會(huì)已經(jīng)發(fā)生了變化，現(xiàn)在不再是普遍的現(xiàn)象了（這是一件好事）。
我不得不重新閱讀你的帖子，我意識(shí)到你不在中國(guó)，只是在和一個(gè)中國(guó)女孩約會(huì)。起初，我說(shuō)：“不過(guò)，你需要問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題有點(diǎn)天真/無(wú)知。這種帖子我更期待看到的是有人問(wèn)在加拿大約會(huì)女孩的情況，而不是在中國(guó)，這里的答案應(yīng)該很明顯?！钡热荒悴辉谥袊?guó)，我猜你只是沒(méi)有研究過(guò)這里的生活，只是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)女孩的外表而和她約會(huì)（我不怪你，相信我）
40年前，美國(guó)、加拿大或歐洲的男性約會(huì)時(shí)被期望為約會(huì)買(mǎi)單。除了最自由的圈子。嗯，這在中國(guó)仍然如此，中國(guó)的文化要保守得多。如果你曾經(jīng)有類(lèi)似的疑問(wèn)，只要問(wèn)問(wèn)40年前的西方會(huì)是什么樣子，你通常就會(huì)得到答案。所以是的，她百分百確認(rèn)事情就是這樣。同樣，對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，任何來(lái)自保守文化的女孩都會(huì)有這種觀點(diǎn)，這是非常明顯的。除了來(lái)自西方或日本的非常自由、現(xiàn)代的女孩，世界上其他地方的女孩都會(huì)有這種期望。
也就是說(shuō)，她已經(jīng)不在中國(guó)了。她也應(yīng)該了解你們的文化，對(duì)嗎？嗯，對(duì)像我這樣的老人來(lái)說(shuō)，我可以再說(shuō)一遍，我就是這樣長(zhǎng)大的——男人為約會(huì)付費(fèi)。確實(shí)，你的觀點(diǎn)確實(shí)非?，F(xiàn)代。我同意你的觀點(diǎn)，但你必須預(yù)料到世界上大多數(shù)女性都會(huì)采取這種態(tài)度。如果你想和某人約會(huì)，而他們不是來(lái)自西歐（法國(guó)、德國(guó)、挪威、英國(guó)）或英語(yǔ)世界，這種期望很有可能會(huì)存在。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

chiefgmj
They like it both ways, the empowerment without the part where they have to pay. On top of it, she hides behind that "my culture" nonsense. If this is a causal/sex thing and u can afford to be magnanimous, just pay. If u want this to become something more, u might want to put all the cards on the table at some point. If she is a hyper pretty, she might be leveragling her youth and sexual appeal for stuff...
No, not all girls expect u to pay, but there's a lot of assumptions and unspoken expectations. Know what sort of relationship u r engaging.

她們喜歡兩者兼得，享受權(quán)利的同時(shí)又不需要付錢(qián)。而且，她還躲在“我的文化”這種胡話(huà)背后。如果這只是一個(gè)隨便的/性方面的事情，而且你能負(fù)擔(dān)得起寬宏大度，那就付錢(qián)吧。如果你想讓這段關(guān)系變得更深，你可能會(huì)在某個(gè)時(shí)候把所有的事情攤開(kāi)來(lái)說(shuō)。如果她長(zhǎng)得特別漂亮，她可能是在用自己的青春和性魅力來(lái)?yè)Q取東西……
不， 并不是所有女孩都期望你付錢(qián)，但有很多假設(shè)和不言而喻的期望。你得清楚自己在什么樣的關(guān)系中。

roundSquare40
Traditionally that's how it works in the Chinese dating scene. Even amongst friends, guys usually pick up the bills. But at the end of the day, it's up to you two to decide how it should be in your relationship.
When the subject of marriage comes up, some families may request for a certain amount of gifts, in cash and/or property or others, from the groom side, while the bride will be given a dowry (in the form of jewelry or property, cash etc.). Whether the groom's family is in charge of the full expenditure of the event or not depends on the local tradition. In certain areas, the bride's family picks up the bills. Again, that's the tradition. Some families are open to new ideas. I'm not sure if it's true, but what I got from the media is that nowadays the bride's families in China are notorious in asking for a high sum in cash and/or property.

傳統(tǒng)上，這就是中國(guó)約會(huì)場(chǎng)景的運(yùn)作方式。即使是朋友之間，通常都是男人買(mǎi)單。但最終，要由你們兩個(gè)來(lái)決定你們的關(guān)系應(yīng)該如何發(fā)展。
當(dāng)談到結(jié)婚時(shí)，一些家庭可能會(huì)要求新郎一方提供一定數(shù)量的禮物，例如現(xiàn)金和/或財(cái)產(chǎn)或其他，而新娘則會(huì)得到嫁妝（以珠寶或財(cái)產(chǎn)的形式，現(xiàn)金等）。新郎的家人是否負(fù)責(zé)婚禮的全部費(fèi)用取決于當(dāng)?shù)氐膫鹘y(tǒng)。在某些地區(qū)，新娘的家人會(huì)買(mǎi)單。再說(shuō)一次，這就是傳統(tǒng)。有些家庭對(duì)新想法持開(kāi)放態(tài)度。我不確定這是否屬實(shí)，但我從媒體了解到的是，如今新娘的家人在中國(guó)因索要高額現(xiàn)金和/或財(cái)產(chǎn)而臭名昭著。

Used-Egg5989 to roundSquare40
Why do male friends pick up the bill? Is it an attempt to impress the girl into dating? Are women prevented from working in China?

為什么男性朋友會(huì)買(mǎi)單？這是為了給女孩留下深刻的印象并讓她約會(huì)嗎？在中國(guó)，女性是被禁止工作了嗎？

Suecotero to Used-Egg5989
The cultural stereotype is that it's considered manly to show off your wealth and ability through generosity to friends/dates/colleagues etc.

文化刻板印象是，通過(guò)向朋友/約會(huì)對(duì)象/同事等慷慨展示自己的財(cái)富和能力被認(rèn)為是有男子氣概的。

Used-Egg5989 to Suecotero
Interesting. My first thought was, in the west, people show wealth and ability by spending money on themselves. China’s way sounds better in some sense.

有趣。我的第一個(gè)想法是，在西方，人們通過(guò)在自己身上花錢(qián)來(lái)展示財(cái)富和能力。從某種意義上說(shuō)，中國(guó)的方式聽(tīng)起來(lái)更好。